OneAndOneIs2

Sun, Jul 01, 2007

Coming soon: The PHune?

The iPod has become the iPhone, with a lot of positive publicity if nothing else. Ergo Microsoft, the industry's biggest innovation-less copycat, is already beginning work on turning their iPod-killer attempt, the Zune, into a true competitor for the iPhone: The PHune!

Features include:

A large, high-res screen so you can see people's phone numbers shown in beautiful fonts as you coverse with them via a cheap & low quality speaker & microphone
An interface that looks just like a multi-touch screen but is, in fact, just cleverly-disguised buttons
Built-in Wifi that would give you blazingly fast VOIP and Web downloads if only it allowed you to connect to the Internet. Which it doesn't.
Ability to send text and picture messages, all of which will be deleted after three days or after being viewed three times
A high-quality loudspeaker for use in hands-free operations (thoughtfully disabled by the firmware so you don't violate the DMCA by letting other people listen to your own conversations)
Compose your own ringtones and upload them to your Zune! As soon as you assign the copyright to Microsoft, they'll allow you to play it for free (for a while), and also send you a link to the Zune store where you friends will be able to buy the ringtone at not-too-extortionate prices!
Connects to the mobile networks using its own proprietary technology so you can only talk to other PHune owners!
Also available in brown!

2 comments • Categories: Omni, In The News, Technology, Parodies

Comments:

Comment from: oneandoneis2 [Member] · http://geekblog.oneandoneis2.org/

I should perhaps explain (for those of you who ignored the Zune with the contempt it deserved) that:

#1 - MS were very proud of the fact that their music player had a bigger screen than the iPod - good video playback being vital in a mobile MP3 player, apparently.

#2 - The Zune has a round button under the screen, like an iPod, but unlike the iPod wheel, it's just four buttons - there's no scrolly-wheel function, it just looks like there is.

#3 - The Zune has WiFi but you can't connect to the web or download music from the Zune store with it.

#4 - The Zune lets you share music, but DRM's ALL music you share to delete after 3 days or 3 listens - even if it's DRM-free music that you made yourself.

#5 & 6 - More DRM-laden points

#7 - After hyping up their "PlaysForSure" initiative so that you could be sure any music you bought for your PC would work on your MP3 player, and vice-versa, MS then brought out the Zune, which DIDN'T support their own PlaysForSure format.

#8 - The Zune is brown. 'Nuff said.

Permalink 02/07/07 @ 11:28