OneAndOneIs2

A mere seven months after I moved in to it, I'm moving out of this flat.

I packed stuff during the weekend, and loaded it onto the van today. I've been up and down stairs literally all day, and have only recently finished. I'm knackered.

I still have a couple bits that I literally can't cram into the van, so they'll have to wait 'til I come back to do the official bits of paper things with the landlord. But mostly, I'm packed and moved out.

It has been a really miserable day. Gorgeous and sunny, but miserable. And I'm not quite sure why.

I was thoroughly miserable the last time I moved, but that was understandable. I'd lived there happily for years. This place? My reasons for coming here were unhappy ones, I was on a very difficult course that ultimately destroyed my enthusiasm for doing the job it was meant to be training for, I can barely even remember what a social life is... the last seven months have actually been about the unhappiest of my life. It was perfectly common for me to wake up and start crying.

The few happy memories I have of the place are, to put it mildly, bittersweet: The really good friends I made on the course were the best part of the whole thing. But I left the course. And so on.

Why is it so depressing to move out of a place you didn't even like?

Tomorrow, at around 3am, I will rise from my bed and start driving. My train leaves at 6am, I want to be there in plenty of time, and it'll take 1-2 hours to get there. Then it's eight hours or so driving across France to get to my destination.

On Wednesday, I'll unpack. Thursday, I'll just relax and recover from all the exercise. Thursday evening or Friday morning, depending on mood, I'll head back. Depending on when I get back into the area, I may go and visit one of the PGCE people I mentioned above, as it's her birthday. And then I'll be moving briefly back in with my parents for a couple weeks, before setting out for good on a backpacking trip to God knows where.

This time last year, I'd have told you that at this point I'd be on the last few weeks of my school placement, looking forward to the long summer holiday and trying to decide what school I wanted to work at next year.

The best laid plans...