OneAndOneIs2

So I said last week that I'd been prescribed three weeks' worth of Prozac.

I haven't taken any. I have no intention of doing so. I feel no need to do so.

To borrow a popular metaphor from some of the literature: Depression is like being in a pit. Until a week and a half ago, I thought that pit was all there was. Realizing that it wasn't the whole world, it was just a nasty dark pit, meant that I was able to make the effort and climb out of it.

The pit is still there. I still fall into it on occasion. But I'm getting better at knowing where it is and how to stay out of it, and better at climbing back out when I do fall in, too. Taking a complete break from everything by going to France for the week was a huge help on that score, so much of my daily routine and thinking was based around the habits of depression here. Getting out of those routines made it easier to stay out of that state of mind.

It's still an effort though. It feels very much like spending your whole day trying to stay awake when you're sleepy. So like, in fact, that the first few days of forcing myself to stay out of the pit, I felt exhausted just by the effort of it. I fell asleep in the afternoons from the effort of staying awake.

It is getting easier now, I think my brain's getting used to suddenly not being allowed to sink into that lethargic state and is adapting to the higher demands placed upon it as a result.

It's a little strange how things can change so much so quickly when your default attitude improves so much. A few weeks ago, I wouldn't usually have anything planned for my evenings nor the energy to do anything about it. Every evening this week, by contrast, I'm going out. It's a big adjustment that leaves me feeling a little bit unsure about a lot of things, but it's a lot more fun!